I WILL LEAD THE PARADE, LAUGHING!

When I pass over from the physical to the non-physical, I know I will be met by legions of well wishers, loved ones, ancestors, teachers, guides, angels, the whole slew. And I will lead the parade laughing! I will laugh out loud at myself. On and on----I don't understand time, but time won't matter. The heavens will echo my laughter and we will all know the joke and take great pleasure in sharing it together: I didn't need to make this life so difficult. Never did I need to angst, anguish, fret, and stew to this extent. I exhaust myself with worry. They aren't laughing at me. But we certainly will all laugh together. What an enormous joke I have played on myself!

I will laugh with pleasure, joy, and pure bliss when I release this physical body and return to the non-physical. And I know I will also pause for a few moments of sorrow. I will grieve that I forgot what I knew when I first came here. I spent endless hours being afraid, needlessly. I always knew there is nothing to be afraid of. Why did I let myself forget? Better yet, why do I constantly continue to let myself forget? This isn't a once in a life-time forgetting occurrence here. I have perpetual mind slippage.

I fear poverty. I look around me and see beauty and abundance. I hear music, laughter and loving voices. I see my puppy: pure innocence. This sweet little one who never for a moment doubts she is loved and safe. Man! If my puppy knows she is safe, what makes me loose trust that I am safe? Can't I be as loved, as precious, as vulnerable, desirable, and valuable as a precious puppy? If I can love Aimee unconditionally, and know she loves me unconditionally, why do I find it so difficult to believe a source greater than I am could love me, keep me safe, protect me, give me all I want, wish for, need, and deserve?

I started to say because I am dumb. But I don't even have that as an excuse. I'm not dumb. But I am human. This human condition! I chose what I wanted to focus on. I can shed the physical when I am well learned and ready for the non-physical again.

I find that exciting and empowering. I get to do what I want to do. I even get to angst, anguish, and stew if I want to do that. Last night at my Abraham group I really saw the metaphor of paddling up stream. I have emotionally and physically worn myself out by paddling up stream. I am not even going to turn the canoe around. I am just going to stop paddling. Maybe I'll drop the oars. I could watch them float ahead of me, down the stream of life. All the rest will be done for me.

I DO NOT HAVE TO WORK SO HARD! I DO NOT HAVE A DEBT I OWE! There is NOTHING that I do not deserve to have if I want to have it. Nothing. Aimee deserves the very best life possible. Never has she done a thing to not deserve. She is total love, total innocence. If she is, surely I can be as well.