CAUGHT IN A WEB

Recently a client used the phrase. "Caught in a web." It meant something different to the client than it does to me and that is of course, just fine! I've used it in previous blog writings. I find myself wanting to understand more about what I mean when I say, "I am feeling 'caught in a web again'." Today I do not feel caught. So I am going to try to put words to my expereince for when that happens to me. Words from conscious distance.

CAUGHT IN A WEB. A PSYCHIC WEB. Or maybe it is better to say, a web of unconsciousness. I feel connected to a greater reality and a deeper knowing than usual. I don't feel fully of this world. I do feel more of All -That- Is. And I feel a wanting to know more.

Do any of you watch the Fri. evening 9 pm TV program MEDIUM? Allison sees more than I do. She dreams clearer than I do. She learns from what she sees and dreams. She trusts her connection with the unconscious. I don't know how she ever gets any rest. She is doing so much work in her dreams. But she seems pretty generally at peace with it. And she makes a living dreaming and knowing about more than "meets the eye," as my mother would say.

Maybe we all do! Make our living informed by our dreams and informed by our unconscious knowing. She takes time to "integrate." Remember how she sometimes naps on the couch and tells her ever patient partner that she needs "integration" time? I do that too. I hope you remember to do that sometimes as well. Maybe you integrate the world around you and what you know and are unconsciously learning by gardening, or cutting up vegetables, or playing the piano like my mother-in-law used to do. I do mine by walking my puppy or resting on my futon.

Back to my Psychic/Unconscious Web. Sometimes it takes me days or weeks to know what is going on. Mostly I need confirmation from outside myself to understand and put words to my feelings. Allison, in the TV program MEDIUM gets her answers from inside herself. Her own wise, intuitive, and creative knowing. That is my next learning. Outside in. Inside out. Back and forth. That is how we grow and learn. Currently I get an inside feeling and need outside confirmation to understand. Next I will get an inside feeling, and trust my inside knowing and decide what I want to do with the knowing in the outside world. If anything. Maybe I just leave the knowing in the knowing and go on with my life.

Feels exciting. I want to feel that Web again. See if I am learning something different to do about me when it happens. Someday I might not have to wait for it to "happen" to me. But will be able to call it forth at will. I'll keep you in the loop, so to speak! (:

FINAL SESSION RE: OH, MY, THE PAIN!

I promised to update you re: the progress of this couple I have mentioned with the twins, baby, intimacy, and trust issues. Everytime I sit down to write more, I hesitate. Although it is true that I no longer see this couple, they have moved out of the country, and they gave me permission to share their story, I still feel there are couples who might too closely see themselves and get hurt. So------I have decided to leave this story for a few more years.

Suffice it to say as far as I know, they are still together, still seeing an Imago therapist nearer where they live and they did an astonding, risking, brilliant, and valiant job of stuggling for a couple of years with me. They both shared their story, the pain of their relationship, the hurts, betrayals, and neglects they both felt throughout their time together, over and over and over, in my office. No matter how difficult it was a the moment, both took session after session, to quietly hear and honour, and attempt to understand the other's experience and pain.

That is what is takes: someone to hold the relationship, keep you both safe and contained, while you each open your heart to receive and to give. To receive your partner's experience, no matter how much it does not agree with your experience or your memory of what happened. To open heartedly listen so many times, to so much, that slowly you begin to understand, not agree with, but understand what happened from your partner's point of view. And then receive the same gift from your partner as you open heartedly share and are eventually understood.

Write to me if you want to do so. We can talk further if you think that would be helpful.

Warmly, Nancy Ross

MORE: IMPORTANT LESSONS LEARNED FROM AIMEE,CONTINUED

See 1) and 2) written previously.

3) What to do when afraid:

Run! Don't walk! To the nearest safe body. Jump right into their arms. Press tight against their chest and wiggle around until they are holding you firmly. Put your head on their shoulder, look into their eyes with trust and love, grunt and moan a little until they begin to softly mummer soothing love words. Make a few last wiggles of adjustment so you are certain you have it exactly right. Take a very deep in-breath and let it out for a long time. Moan with pleasure. Close your eyes, and feel your body go limp! Works every time.

4) How to let the important people in your life know you are ready to leave the house:

Sit very quietly and patiently by the front door. First look longing out the window of the door with your back to the rest of the household like you really couldn't care less what they are doing and you are doing very well for yourself, thank you very much! Then turn around facing the household with back to door, give a deep sigh, a tiny little mummer yip and begin to wag your tail expectantly. Stay that way for as long as it takes, making little mummer yips with increasing frequency. After about 10 minutes max. bark. Empathically. This creates the suggestion that more than just a walk about is required!

When all else fails, go to the door where your outside "clothes" are kept and repeat above. If you still aren't successful (remember, patience is a virture here), go to the back door and repeat above. If that doesn't work, squat on the carpet in front of someone significant.

Successful, without a doubt!

Mostly what Aimee teaches me is to be patience, to always look at the world about me with loving eyes, to forgive easily, and to bark, then pee when all else fails.

Enough for now. NAR