Belonging is Essential to Living
I am longing for internal peace. My cells are anxious. My soul is restless. Abraham suggests 15 minutes of daily meditative breathing. Brilliant idea! I want to do that.
I think of a frightened and bewildered little girl, not yet three, whose beloved mother disappeared first to the hospital and then into herself. Whose father took the new baby brother to another hospital in a town far away and disappeared again into his 12 hour a day job.
I remember this sensitive little girl who did not understand what had happened at all, waking one morning to find she was living for an unknown time with people who clearly did not want her and had not expected her. They fed her oatmeal and because it had raisins and brown sugar she was supposed to like it. They could have feed her peanut butter and jelly and she wouldn’t have been able to swallow it!
Lack of certainty, feeling unknown, being emotionally disconnected, not knowing where you belong, feeling unsafe, losing loving connection and familiarity; all way too much for anyone, child or adult, to endure. Everyone longs for loving connection, belonging with a precious other and to feel emotionally safe. The best way to thrive is in relationship with a trusted loved one. Without love, we will wither, falter, shrivel, wilt, weep, fade, shut down, disappear, rage, suffer profoundly.
When you feel alienated from your partner, know that your partner is feeling as anxious and uncertain as you are feeling. Both of you are longing to feel safe, to fit and belong, to be wanted and chosen, to be the heart’s desire. Soften your eyes, open your heart, and reach out. The risk is worth it. You might feel met.
You won’t feel met unless one of you takes the risk.
You will like yourself for being the generous, thoughtful, and wise one who held out a hand, spoke gently, tried first. The three-year-old child feeling inside will understand that you know how to give comfort to you, even when others don’t know how to do that well.
Because I don’t know how to end this short essay, I will simply stop here. Write to me! I long to hear if my words have any meaning to anyone else.
Warmly, Nancy
I think of a frightened and bewildered little girl, not yet three, whose beloved mother disappeared first to the hospital and then into herself. Whose father took the new baby brother to another hospital in a town far away and disappeared again into his 12 hour a day job.
I remember this sensitive little girl who did not understand what had happened at all, waking one morning to find she was living for an unknown time with people who clearly did not want her and had not expected her. They fed her oatmeal and because it had raisins and brown sugar she was supposed to like it. They could have feed her peanut butter and jelly and she wouldn’t have been able to swallow it!
Lack of certainty, feeling unknown, being emotionally disconnected, not knowing where you belong, feeling unsafe, losing loving connection and familiarity; all way too much for anyone, child or adult, to endure. Everyone longs for loving connection, belonging with a precious other and to feel emotionally safe. The best way to thrive is in relationship with a trusted loved one. Without love, we will wither, falter, shrivel, wilt, weep, fade, shut down, disappear, rage, suffer profoundly.
When you feel alienated from your partner, know that your partner is feeling as anxious and uncertain as you are feeling. Both of you are longing to feel safe, to fit and belong, to be wanted and chosen, to be the heart’s desire. Soften your eyes, open your heart, and reach out. The risk is worth it. You might feel met.
You won’t feel met unless one of you takes the risk.
You will like yourself for being the generous, thoughtful, and wise one who held out a hand, spoke gently, tried first. The three-year-old child feeling inside will understand that you know how to give comfort to you, even when others don’t know how to do that well.
Because I don’t know how to end this short essay, I will simply stop here. Write to me! I long to hear if my words have any meaning to anyone else.
Warmly, Nancy
posted by Nancy Ross at
2:00 PM
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