If I Were To Tell You A Story:
What story would I tell you? How I married, had 4 children, a husband who was the pillar of his community, divorced, moved to Canada, became a relationship therapist, came to love and share my life with a woman and a adorable puppy in a lovely home built in 1923 and renovated between 1993 and 2011 by that same lovely woman?
I don’t think so.
Maybe how I played with the fairies under my mother’s white linen tablecloth that was spread on the dining room table? Or played in the back yard under the pear tree with Bradshaw, my very best friend whom my mother acknowledged but couldn’t see?
Hmmmmm Maybe.
How I survived pain and fear and uncertainty and faced death again and again when my heart went out of rhythm, my blood pressure soared, I had a small stroke, and congestive heart failure nearly claimed me at least twice?
I no longer live there.
That time is all behind. I carry it, all of it. But today I live in today and look forward. I have stopped walking into the future backward, I have closed that door, turned around and I embrace the future with curiosity. It smells nice. I like the smell of the future. I like the sound. It sounds like the tiny chimes over my front door that let me know clients have arrived. Or a friend is here. Or my puppy and my partner are going out for a walk.
Most of all I like that the empty place inside of me is being filled with hope and filled with vague dreams: vague because I don’t yet dream concretely. I dream of colour, fragrance, smiles, laughter, breath, strong hearts, sounds of love.
I want to tell a story that you want to hear. I believe you want to hear about love, hope, peace, joy, knowing where you fit and belong. What else?
Fit and belong makes me think of a dear mentor and teacher, Carl Hollander, who many years ago, at least 30, taught me that we spend our life longing for and searching for where we fit and belong. The reading I have been doing lately tells me it is a brand new theory and awareness that we all need to feel loved, need to belong, need to be wanted and cherished. We have known for several decades now, that children do not thrive if they are not loved, touched, wanted. But for some silly reason we forgot that that need doesn’t end when we reach 18, or 21, or 45 for that matter.
If I had known this was such an unknown theory 30 years ago, I might have made my fame and fortune writing about it then! How dumb is that? I learned about needing to fit and belong, feel loved, seen and wanted, before I was 3 years old. When I played with the fairies and brought Bradshaw into my life, I had figured out my outside world trembled, so I best create an inside world with foundations that would keep me safe.
Bright kid!
Maybe it isn’t too late.
Love heals. It sooths, comforts, helps us feel safe; relieves anxiety, distress and fear. Throughout our entire lifetime our greatest need and desire is to be loved and be able to feel that love deep within our soul. The opposite of love is fear. If you don’t love me I fear I will not exist. If I don’t love you I fear I don’t know how to love. Either way, I fear I will never belong. And then I will wither, shrivel, dry up and blow away in the wind., never to have been known or wanted.
More about fear another time. Blessings. Email me. Nancy
I don’t think so.
Maybe how I played with the fairies under my mother’s white linen tablecloth that was spread on the dining room table? Or played in the back yard under the pear tree with Bradshaw, my very best friend whom my mother acknowledged but couldn’t see?
Hmmmmm Maybe.
How I survived pain and fear and uncertainty and faced death again and again when my heart went out of rhythm, my blood pressure soared, I had a small stroke, and congestive heart failure nearly claimed me at least twice?
I no longer live there.
That time is all behind. I carry it, all of it. But today I live in today and look forward. I have stopped walking into the future backward, I have closed that door, turned around and I embrace the future with curiosity. It smells nice. I like the smell of the future. I like the sound. It sounds like the tiny chimes over my front door that let me know clients have arrived. Or a friend is here. Or my puppy and my partner are going out for a walk.
Most of all I like that the empty place inside of me is being filled with hope and filled with vague dreams: vague because I don’t yet dream concretely. I dream of colour, fragrance, smiles, laughter, breath, strong hearts, sounds of love.
I want to tell a story that you want to hear. I believe you want to hear about love, hope, peace, joy, knowing where you fit and belong. What else?
Fit and belong makes me think of a dear mentor and teacher, Carl Hollander, who many years ago, at least 30, taught me that we spend our life longing for and searching for where we fit and belong. The reading I have been doing lately tells me it is a brand new theory and awareness that we all need to feel loved, need to belong, need to be wanted and cherished. We have known for several decades now, that children do not thrive if they are not loved, touched, wanted. But for some silly reason we forgot that that need doesn’t end when we reach 18, or 21, or 45 for that matter.
If I had known this was such an unknown theory 30 years ago, I might have made my fame and fortune writing about it then! How dumb is that? I learned about needing to fit and belong, feel loved, seen and wanted, before I was 3 years old. When I played with the fairies and brought Bradshaw into my life, I had figured out my outside world trembled, so I best create an inside world with foundations that would keep me safe.
Bright kid!
Maybe it isn’t too late.
Love heals. It sooths, comforts, helps us feel safe; relieves anxiety, distress and fear. Throughout our entire lifetime our greatest need and desire is to be loved and be able to feel that love deep within our soul. The opposite of love is fear. If you don’t love me I fear I will not exist. If I don’t love you I fear I don’t know how to love. Either way, I fear I will never belong. And then I will wither, shrivel, dry up and blow away in the wind., never to have been known or wanted.
More about fear another time. Blessings. Email me. Nancy
posted by Nancy Ross at
11:10 AM
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