RELATIONSHIP COLUMN - OUT ON A LIMB
Years ago I had a relationship column in a pharmacy health magazine whose name I have forgotten! I called the column OUT ON A LIMB. I am doing that again. You email me questions. I answer. Oh, so very simple.
I will start with a question I received in an email sometime ago from a potential client. Her request went something like this:
"My partner of 12 years travels with his work frequently and for long periods of time. We have 3 children, ages 9,7 and 4. I think he is having at least one affair. He may even have another family. I don't want to divorce him. But I don't want to live like this any more. Can you help me?"
The short version of my answer goes something like this:
The two of you need to talk! Preferably face to face: if not in the same room, then at least on Skyp. He needs to hear your fears and you need to feel reassured. If he can't do that you need to make it clear that if he wants to come home you expect the two of you to talk with a professional. That professional can be of his choice if that will help him follow through.
There are too many unknowns and uncertainties for the two of you to feel safe enough to any longer be intimately connected. First clear the air, get some understanding about how each of you are living your life, then begin a dialogue about what each of you want together, or not together, in the future. Every relationship needs safety. And there is no safety and too much emotional and physical distance for true trust and intimacy in this relationship.
It is time you insist and clearly speak your bottom lines. It is time you take care of yourself and your children. They need a father. You deserve a partner you trust and who wants you. Put out your intention and stick to it!!! Have that intention include full disclosure and professional guidance.
Warmly, Nancy
I will start with a question I received in an email sometime ago from a potential client. Her request went something like this:
"My partner of 12 years travels with his work frequently and for long periods of time. We have 3 children, ages 9,7 and 4. I think he is having at least one affair. He may even have another family. I don't want to divorce him. But I don't want to live like this any more. Can you help me?"
The short version of my answer goes something like this:
The two of you need to talk! Preferably face to face: if not in the same room, then at least on Skyp. He needs to hear your fears and you need to feel reassured. If he can't do that you need to make it clear that if he wants to come home you expect the two of you to talk with a professional. That professional can be of his choice if that will help him follow through.
There are too many unknowns and uncertainties for the two of you to feel safe enough to any longer be intimately connected. First clear the air, get some understanding about how each of you are living your life, then begin a dialogue about what each of you want together, or not together, in the future. Every relationship needs safety. And there is no safety and too much emotional and physical distance for true trust and intimacy in this relationship.
It is time you insist and clearly speak your bottom lines. It is time you take care of yourself and your children. They need a father. You deserve a partner you trust and who wants you. Put out your intention and stick to it!!! Have that intention include full disclosure and professional guidance.
Warmly, Nancy
posted by Nancy Ross at
1:52 PM
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