Back from France!
Well! In all seriousness I think I can include taking a trip to a country new to you and a language unfamiliar to you, even if it is your partner's first language, can easily be in the top 5 most stressful to a relationship issues. I think the list of top 5 stresses goes something like: 1) someone in family with serious illness or older ill parent moving in; 2) an affair; 3) moving to a new country and both getting a new job or one staying home isolated with children; 4) huge financial loss, 5) significant travel containing 2 or more major celebrations, one returning to a dream of 40 years ago and one frightened out of her mind of: language, roundabouts, technology, maps, and change. I was the frightened one. Change is hard for me! Being vulnerable is not nice!!
And my partner stood up to the plate and took over. Man, she literally held me when I fell down. I got terribly sick for most of the trip and dear, stalwart, resourceful,loyal, and loving Clo, as always, took care of me. I feel great now that I am back home and can look back and remember the beauty and history of France. To say nothing of the food and wine!
I learned first hand something really important for me to try to share with any couples who might be reading this. I learned the importance of sticking with your partner and not blaming or judging, but helping them hang on in a time of distress. I believe my level of vulnerability and feelings of lack of control while in France being sick all over again, triggered the depth of despair and fear I felt for two years or more when I was so sick with my heart. Once again, I did not have a clue what to do with myself. I was too sick to think clearly. Literally. Clo had to point me in the right direction again and again.
It was a major power struggle waiting to happen. And Clo didn't let it happen. A lesson to remember. If we won't let "it", whatever "it" might be at the moment, happen, it simply can't happen. She held steady, had a good time and let me and helped me find my way. I had a good time too, in-between bouts of....lots of things.
We will go back again in a year or two. And do it differently. Like skip Paris. Lines are way too long and way too many tourists. We will return to Chartes, Chinon, Bordeaux, rent an apartment for a week or more and take day trips by train. No more roundabouts, standard shifting and streets with two or more unpronounceable names. Thank heavens for Ms. GPS. She saved us more than once, that's for sure.
I did learn a bit more French and that certainly pleased Clo. We visited several beautiful cathedrals and churches, some castles, saw the sea and the ocean, stayed 2 days in a wonderful, old French farm house with two of Clo's friends who were absolutely wonderful hosts. Out of the depths came sunshine, just this morning. Last night I slept the best I have in months and woke up feeling loved and healing. Something about that trip..... If I find out what, I will let you know.
In the mean time, learn from me what I had to learn the hard way: love each other and trust each other to be well intentioned. Try to understand when your partner is vulnerable or in need, that what they long for is connection and love. Always. That goes for you as well. We always need love and connection, self esteem and confidence. Love is the only thing that makes life worth while. Nurture yours, with your family, your friends, your connections. Learn to lead with joy. I am still learning and it feels good. Nancy
And my partner stood up to the plate and took over. Man, she literally held me when I fell down. I got terribly sick for most of the trip and dear, stalwart, resourceful,loyal, and loving Clo, as always, took care of me. I feel great now that I am back home and can look back and remember the beauty and history of France. To say nothing of the food and wine!
I learned first hand something really important for me to try to share with any couples who might be reading this. I learned the importance of sticking with your partner and not blaming or judging, but helping them hang on in a time of distress. I believe my level of vulnerability and feelings of lack of control while in France being sick all over again, triggered the depth of despair and fear I felt for two years or more when I was so sick with my heart. Once again, I did not have a clue what to do with myself. I was too sick to think clearly. Literally. Clo had to point me in the right direction again and again.
It was a major power struggle waiting to happen. And Clo didn't let it happen. A lesson to remember. If we won't let "it", whatever "it" might be at the moment, happen, it simply can't happen. She held steady, had a good time and let me and helped me find my way. I had a good time too, in-between bouts of....lots of things.
We will go back again in a year or two. And do it differently. Like skip Paris. Lines are way too long and way too many tourists. We will return to Chartes, Chinon, Bordeaux, rent an apartment for a week or more and take day trips by train. No more roundabouts, standard shifting and streets with two or more unpronounceable names. Thank heavens for Ms. GPS. She saved us more than once, that's for sure.
I did learn a bit more French and that certainly pleased Clo. We visited several beautiful cathedrals and churches, some castles, saw the sea and the ocean, stayed 2 days in a wonderful, old French farm house with two of Clo's friends who were absolutely wonderful hosts. Out of the depths came sunshine, just this morning. Last night I slept the best I have in months and woke up feeling loved and healing. Something about that trip..... If I find out what, I will let you know.
In the mean time, learn from me what I had to learn the hard way: love each other and trust each other to be well intentioned. Try to understand when your partner is vulnerable or in need, that what they long for is connection and love. Always. That goes for you as well. We always need love and connection, self esteem and confidence. Love is the only thing that makes life worth while. Nurture yours, with your family, your friends, your connections. Learn to lead with joy. I am still learning and it feels good. Nancy
posted by Nancy Ross at
11:11 AM
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