Once Upon a Time...
....there was a little girl who played with the fairies and elves underneath the her mother's beautiful antique dining room table, with a white linen cloth covering the table and providing quiet space for the adventures below, or under pear trees and plum trees in the back yard. She found the perfect place for reflection, adventure, imagination, meditation, time out, whatever name it might be called by others. For her it was, "Being with my people."
Even as an adult she/I need time away to reflect and go inside myself. Often I call it, "Being with myself." Much like what I learned to do as a child. I don't go under the dining room table! But I do head for the trees. Aimee and I walk in the cemetery. And I think. I talk within myself. I process and try to make sense out of myself and my life. I ask questions like,"Who am I?", "Where do I belong?" Who loves me?" What helps me feel secure?"
Clo has cancer and I continue for a little while longer to have heart rate challenges. AND....there IS more in life! I WILL live life outside of the struggle. Fighting against what is, is useless. Moving with it, around it, through it is empowering. Sometimes I collapse into a surreal place where I feel very strange and out of place. A place that feels like I have no control and no clue how to be in charge again. Staying there for any length of time is not a good thing for me to do.
A very dear friend has recently helped me name how I get myself out of the place where I am struggling and no good is coming from it: she says that I go to my spiritual place and Aimee is my spirit guide. And that is true. There are two things I intentionally do to keep myself grounded and in a REAL place: read on the futon with Aimee sleeping on my stomach; or play with Aimee at the cemetery. Both options bring me into my joy and I inevitably once again find peace and hope. I believe Aimee reminds me to stay in NOW, she loves me into feeling pure joy, she comforts me literally with the warmth and life in her body, she heals me with her love.
There has to be room in your relationship for you to be able to retreat: without shame but with encouragement; without blame or being criticized, but with understanding. You deserve to receive that time and your relationship needs you to realize how much your partner also deserves time out. I want to share more about shame, but that is a to- be- continued subject.
I am going to go to bed for the night now, and will write more soon. Love, Nancy
Even as an adult she/I need time away to reflect and go inside myself. Often I call it, "Being with myself." Much like what I learned to do as a child. I don't go under the dining room table! But I do head for the trees. Aimee and I walk in the cemetery. And I think. I talk within myself. I process and try to make sense out of myself and my life. I ask questions like,"Who am I?", "Where do I belong?" Who loves me?" What helps me feel secure?"
Clo has cancer and I continue for a little while longer to have heart rate challenges. AND....there IS more in life! I WILL live life outside of the struggle. Fighting against what is, is useless. Moving with it, around it, through it is empowering. Sometimes I collapse into a surreal place where I feel very strange and out of place. A place that feels like I have no control and no clue how to be in charge again. Staying there for any length of time is not a good thing for me to do.
A very dear friend has recently helped me name how I get myself out of the place where I am struggling and no good is coming from it: she says that I go to my spiritual place and Aimee is my spirit guide. And that is true. There are two things I intentionally do to keep myself grounded and in a REAL place: read on the futon with Aimee sleeping on my stomach; or play with Aimee at the cemetery. Both options bring me into my joy and I inevitably once again find peace and hope. I believe Aimee reminds me to stay in NOW, she loves me into feeling pure joy, she comforts me literally with the warmth and life in her body, she heals me with her love.
There has to be room in your relationship for you to be able to retreat: without shame but with encouragement; without blame or being criticized, but with understanding. You deserve to receive that time and your relationship needs you to realize how much your partner also deserves time out. I want to share more about shame, but that is a to- be- continued subject.
I am going to go to bed for the night now, and will write more soon. Love, Nancy
posted by Nancy Ross at
9:28 AM
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