Shifts, Change, Healing and Love...Moving Forward

Sorry about error in title of last blog. Lucy me means Lucky me. Hopefully you already figured that out!

I am ready for joy! It is hard not to be when surrounded with soft breezes, warm sun, blue sky, birds waking me at 4 am with their songs of hope and love, lovely walks with Aimee. Clo has chemo again today. I see it going easily and smoothly, helping her heal and gain strength. I see me focusing on bringing new and delightful energy and life into our world. I am ready for change.

Nine months I think it has been sense diagnosis. Time to move on. I think Clo is very ready for that as well. She is finding a way to live with this and bringing pleasure into her life via her garden and her love of growing and creating. We have a beautiful new cedar room for storage in the basement and soon will have a new carpet down there. As she recreates her body and health, she is recreating our home some more. She has done that for 18 years. Clo teaches me to use time and talents in a creative, life giving way.

Do you know Abraham? Channeled by Esther Hicks. Listened to their latest CD last night with several Abraham friends and feel deep shifting and hope emerging in my soul. Abraham talked about loss bringing change and new. Something closes, something new is offered. Letting go of focus on cancer leaves us with much to dream about and hope for. I am finding excitement and potential in my/our future. I am finding beauty and smiles in my soul.

Last week was very difficult and once again I hit a bottom. The weekend of love, beauty and hope has filled me with joy and an easiness I have not felt in a long time. I will listen to Abraham's latest CD again and tell you more. I think I am germinating some exciting and interesting information and energy. A wonderful way to heal and move forward. Have a good morning. Off to walk Aimee.....if she is awake. Clo is resting and awaiting the visit of an old friend from 20 + years ago. Love to you all. Write me. Nancy

Lucy Me! I Get To Learn

Clo says her dilemma is to figure out how to simultaneously live life fully while preparing for dying.. When I heard her say that my heart ached and I longed to help her. As I write it now, I am struck by the truth that we are all always in that very exact dilemma. Interesting! We must all prepare in some way for the truth that our existence will change shape, form and purpose. At the same time we must go fully out into the world and fill our soul with joy and life. That is Clo's challenge right now: to fill herself full of joy and life. I so can see how difficult that is to do when one is sad and heavy emotionally and tired and in pain physically. Where is the joy?

Right now she is creating joy for herself. She and a dear friend are searching the city for the right and perfect bird feeder for our front yard. She has been finding much joy in watching the birds feast on our service berry trees while she watches them out the living room window. She is learning new names and finding ways to attract new birds. They bring symbolic freedom into her life, as well as colour and delight.

Our back yard is about as perfect as she wants it to be, except for a tree she would like to plant. Seeing plants grow and thrive, bloom and blossom, come to life out of the winter darkness, gives her pleasure and hope. A friend gave her a new baby yellow orchid to join the many other orchid she loves into life season after season. I have so much to learn from her as she bravely takes on the mission of learning to live fully while preparing to die in a manner that suits her. What I am learning right now, right as I am writing this is: open my heart to receiving Clo's gifts and knowledge and wisdom.

I am thinking right now that I may have moments when I am angry with her for leaving me. Not fair! Not the contract I thought I signed up for! I am 21 years older. I get to move into exciting new chapters first and make the way for her. Now she is going to do it way too soon.

No room in my heart or spirit for anger. Absolutely. Room for me to learn from her. She has always been a very wise woman. She loves to teach. I am going to ask her to be my teacher. Our partner is our healer, teacher, and friend. Right now it is a perfect time to be Clo's friend and have her be my teacher. I love it! What a magnificent gift the universe has given us. I will talk with her about this tonight.

Like I am the first one to have ever thought about this! Land. I teach couples all the time that we are each others healer, teacher, and friend. That is what relationship is all about. I lost track of remembering to learn in my blinded concern for wanting to take away Clo's pain. That is not my job. It is her pain. I am her friend. She has much to teach me and I welcome that. Lucky me!!  (:

Well, I worked that one out beautifully. Hope you could follow me. It all makes abundant good sense to me. Let me hear more from you. I am enjoying your contact. Hugs, Nancy

Blessings and Love

Sad news, though not unexpected. The oncologist today emphasized Clo has advanced cancer and should plan the next while accordingly. He said something after that, but I forget! It had to do with have some fun if there is something you wanted to be sure to do and maybe going to Europe is not for this life time. He said none of us get to do all we hope to do. He did not say how long to anticipate "the next while" to be. We are both sad. Clo is sleeping now. I already slept for a while.

A new normal. Clo says she isn't going to think about it. I can't stop thinking about it! I don't know what we do next???? Yes, I do really. We start chemo again on Mon. We move into a place that acknowledges truth and carries faith and knows love. Give someone you love an extra hug today and tomorrow and everyday. You truly do not know how long you will have them with you.

Like to hear from anyone aching for a precious loss, facing loss or fearing it. Love heals us all. We need each others love.  Blessings, Nancy

A Safe Place To Protest

I just gave Aimee, the cutest puppy on the planet, a much needed but deeply unwanted bath! She sure did tell me her displeasure! Then she ran straight to Clo and let Clo know how mean and unfair I was being to her! I got a clear picture of how important it is for kids to have one parent to insist and one parent to complain to.

There are limits that children (and puppies) need set for them. There are things that REALLY DO have to be done or REALLY CAN"T be done. Children, puppies, adults, dogs, whoever, deserve to have a safe place where they can protest. Parents commit to being a team and working together to help keep the entire family safe. And when you are a team mate with your partner, you can spell each other. Bad guy ( bathing enforcer) good guy ( place to protest). The good guy role includes supporting the rule enforcer or limit setter with words such as: "I know you don't like to have to do that. I understand and it makes sense. But it DOES have to be done! Let's take care of it and then we can ALL do something fun together."

Take turns being the limit setter. Don't make one parent into the bad guy every time. NOT FAIR!  And support the rules while comforting the one who is complaining. Complaining is sharing honest feelings. Everyone gets to say what they feel. Someone needs to hear and understand, even when you may not agree. You can understand that your 4 year old doesn't want his head washed because it is a drag, but you can support that it still must be done. You can understand that your 12 year old wants to date a 16 year old, but you still are not going to allow that to happen. Support her annoyance, disappointment, and  hurt; but assure her that both of you are committed to not letting this happen. And when the children protest loudly and for a long time, agree they have reason to be aggrieved, but the decision holds, by both of you.

In my head I am shouting, "Easy for you to say, Ross! What do I do when I am the ONLY parent!!??"

Well I have been there. And it takes a lot of faith in yourself and trust in the kids and trust in the process. I found when I was consistent and didn't waver, I had better luck. I actually prayed a lot and reminded God that we were in this together and I could use all the help I could get. And mistakes happened. Just like they do when there are two parents.My children had a father who had convinced himself that I was doing just fine and they didn't need him. That is SOOOOOO NOT TRUE. If you produced a child, that child is your responsibility and NOTHING lets you off the hook. Your decisions are always for the best interests of the children, not because it is easier for you.

Well, all this because I gave Aimee a bath. Who knew? Aimee has settled. Forgiven me, and I didn't even give her a treat. Clo is resting and our household feels settled. We have ups and downs. Quite like everyone else. A friend said the other day that she bet I would be looking forward to a boring day. Certainly a restful day and I had one yesterday and other today. Blessed be. Hugs, Nancy

Turned A Corner On A Rainy Day

I have turned a corner and the skies are washing clean the old in preparation for the new. Fresh, alive, healing, joy filled energy awaits us. I am open and ready. My heart has room to welcome the new and my mind and body have the energy to receive. Glory be!

There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever, that feeling seen by people who have known and loved me for 30 plus years has help me considerably to move from my feelings of being without power and my feelings of being overwhelmed with sorrow. I am held. I always have been. Seeing and feeling what has always been there but one looses track of is so empowering and refreshing. I feel showered clean and blown dry.

My words of learning and sharing of wisdom are to let what really is there come through. Let yourself glow in the warmth of love. You are loved. As am I. Remember that. We forget when life's challenges feel too big. Let the rain wash away the fear and pain. Let the wind dry and sooth your tired body. And dream of hope and peace.

Blessings, Nancy